Posts Tagged With: Gym Tan Laundry

Enjoying the Rapture in Cape May, 2011

My intention here was to report on the sightings of “Orange People” in Cape May, the weekend of May 21st, 2011.

But, unfortunately, this plan coincided with the Rapture… 

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So, there was, like, nobody there. No greased back hair dripping with gel, no poofed up coifs and fake orange tans… just mere emptiness. The damned Rapture sucked everyone right up and ruined my weekend plans. That’s for sure.

 

 

Come to think of it, Maybe I got off easy →

  

 

 

JUST A NOTE:

FAT JERRY AWARDS NOMINATIONS FOR MAY 2011 STILL OPEN. So far, in the running are as follows:

There’s still 5 days left to nominate a post. But Let’s keep it to a recent post for May, 2011. At year’s end, there will be one MAJOR WINNER. For submission rules, click on “Fat Jerry Page” at top of blog.

                 

PS- I just found out how Jerry go SO FAT! I was cleaning out a bin in the kitchen, and out pulled I an empty bag of Nestles Chocolate Chunks- it had been half-full at Christmas. He ate the whole darn thing. (piggy)

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S.O.S. – ALL ABhOARD! I’m Hittin’ the Jersey Shore!

That’s right! You heard me! I am heading to the Jersey Shore this weekend with some friends in our (non)annual hunt for some ORANGE PEOPLE. Just What are orange people? you may ask…

That’s right. These People!  They do such interesting things…

 Like this →

 

 

 

 

And This ↓

 

And then, there’s this ↓

Which is just so darn brilliant! I can hardly controll myself, Mikey… 

A little bit mo’ o’ this:

                                                     

Yeah, that’s the spirit!

Even Oprah had something to say about Snooki’s major punch-out on the first Jersey Shore episode:

Then There’s the South Park episode that featured New Jersey Shore cast member Snooki, and in response to all of the reality TV shows about Jersey nowadays, showed NJ taking over the country:

 

REALITY SHOW REALITY CHECK:  Wildwood New Jersey actually looks like this:

And this ↓

 

 

And is located along the southern shore of New Jersey,

somewhere around here →

We will also be traveling further south, to Cape May.

There, we will shop, perhaps visit a winery (it’s supposed to rain) and see the old, well-preserved Victorian style homes there, some of which look like these ↓

 

Some interesting facts about New Jersey:

  • Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr faced off in a duel in New Jersey on July 11, 1804. Hamilton took a bullet in the gut and died. It was, like, the best Jersey fight, everrrrr! 
  • Over 100 battles were fought in NJ, including the Revolutionary War, and New Jersey was known as The Crossroads of the American Revolution.. Proof that fightin’s in the blood here. no escaping it.
  • George Washington Slept Here. it is not known if he ‘smooshed’ here. He headquartered his troops in Hackensack NJ, just before the Battle of New York took place. 
  • George Washington Spent Christmas in Jersey! Trenton, to be exact. After a little boat ride across the Delaware River, in 1776. then him an’ the boys opened up a can o’ whoopass on them Hessians. You go Boys! 
  • 1777- New Jersey falls into its own little Civil War between Rebels and Loyalists to the British Crown. So, like, in-fighting was just, like, always , like, a Jersey Thing.
  • 52 Regiments and 88,000 soldiers from NJ served in the Civil War, and Jersey played a major part in the Underground Railroad, which safe-housed escaped slaves in their pursuit toward Freedom. Now, that would’ve made a real helluva Reality Show!
  • The first cranberries in the USA were farmed in New Jersey, and it is still a leading producer. So think of that next time you bite into a cranberry bar-cookie from Starbucks.
  • Campbell’s Soup Company was founded in Camden New Jersey in 1869, featuring their most famous soup, Tomato, made from Jersey Tomatoes, agreed to be the worlds sweetest. well, something from Jersey had to be sweet.
  • Singers Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen, Frank Sinatra and Whitney Houston, Queen Latifah, Dionne Warwick , Frankie Valli, Connie Francis, rapper/actor Ice-T, Patti Smith, Eddie Money and Paul Simon were born or lived in Jersey, whether they admit it or not. 
  • New Jersey has the 2nd highest per capita income in the country. Which they need, because…
  • New Jersey also has the highest taxes, car insurance, medical insurance, and the highest cost of living in the nation
  • New Jersey’s own Thomas Nast was the cartoonist who created the now popular image of Santa Claus, with red suit, white beard, rosy cheeks and black boots. You’re welcome, Hallmark!
  • New Jersey is the only state where every county is considered a metropolitan area. Who needs fresh air, anyway? We love the smell of carbon monoxide in the mornin’.
  • New Jersey was the original home to the Miss America Pageant, in Atlantic City, for 84 years, from 1921 untill 2005, when Donald whore-monger Trump took it to Las Vegas in 2006.
  • President Ulysses S. Grant made the summer White House in Long Branch, NJ. but he died. eventually.
  • The Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, the famous former immigrants-landing site, both in NJ.  So when those huddling masses “came to America”, what they really did, was “Come to New Jersey”. Which means, if you were Born in the USA (Jersey boy Bruce Springsteen’s Song), there’s a good chance you’re ALL descended from people who once lived in New Jersey!!! HAH!
  • The Famous Lindbergh Baby kidnapping/murder trial was held in Flemington NJ. Plus Charles Lindbergh lived in Jersey. no wonder he made the worlds first trans-atlantic flight.
  • The first American, and this is important - brewery, was opened in Hoboken, NJ in 1642
  • Elizabeth NJ is site of the nations busiest seaport, with 80% of goods to the nation arriving here. from China.
  • Thomas Edison invented the first lightbulb, phonograph and movie projector in Menlo Park, NJ.  porn soon followed.
  • NJ was the original ‘Hollywood’, with the nations first movie studio located in West Orange. but the naked porn stars complained of the nippy winters, and so Los Angeles, here we cum come!
  • The telephone was invented in New Jersey. it’s a good way to make an emergency call to someone to get you the hell outa New Jersey.
  • Princeton University is in Princeton, NJ (duh)
  • The first baseball game was played in Hoboken, NJ (Sinatra’s hometown) making Jersey the true site of America’s favorite pastime: stealing bases…heh hehe heh.
  • The first football game was played in NJ in 1869, between Princeton U and Rutgers, New Brunswick. ((yawn)) 
  • The first ‘drive-in’ movie theatre was invented and premiered in Jersey. nine months later, so did another generation of New Jersians.
  • Shaq O’neil is from NJ, as was Yogi Berra.  I think Shaq ate Yogi. who cares? I hate sports, anyway.
  • Albert Einstein, the space-time-relativity guy, Princeton, for 30 years or so. and helped invent the atom bomb- the ultimate smack-down!
  • Other famous residents by birth or otherwise: Jack Nicholson, Joe Pesci, SNL’s  Joe “What Exit?” Piscopo, Presidents Grover Cleveland and Woodrow Wilson, dead poet Walt Whitman, dirty writer Norman Mailer, beat-poet Alan Ginsberg,TV morning show guy Charles Gibson went to Princeton U here, NBC anchorman Brian Williams, First Lady Jackie Kennedy stepped in horse poop at her horse farm in the Princeton area, and Martha Stewart did something important here. she got born. In Jersey City.   
  • And other showbiz types from Jersey: Comedian actors, “Who’s On First” Budd Abbot and Lou Costello, Scientology’s Tom Cruise lived here when still sane (or not), and sweathog John Travolta. Also Bruce Willis Lived Hard in Penns Grove, the comedienne Fanny Brice, Sandra Dee, comic Jerry Lewis,  gunslinger Annie Oakley,  Loretta “Hot Lips” Switt of ‘M*A*S*H fame, actors Kevin Spacey, ‘Goodfella’ Ray Liotta, John Forsythe (Dynasty) Meryl Streep (everything else). Susan Sarandon (Rocky Horror Picture Show) Jason Alexander (George, on Seinfeld), Jon Stewart of The Daily Show grew up in Lawrenceville, and Steven Colbert. Ceasar Romero and Danny DeVito lived in Joisy, too.
  • The Jonas Brothers. Sorry ’bout that.
  • The murderer/actor, Robert Blake, originally of Little Rascal’s fame. And also,  for murdering.

And don’t forget some of the famous TV and reality shows set in New Jersey, which include:

  • The Sopranos, starring gansta James Gandolfini
  • The aforementioned (Ugh! kick me! now!) Jersey Shore
  • Jerseyliscious
  • Real Housewives of New Jersey
  • Cake Boss
  • Jersey Couture
  • MTV’s ‘Shore Thing’ (2002) and ‘Summer Share’ (1998)
  • HBO’s Boardwalk Empire, set in Atlantic City
  • Charles in Charge, 1984-90

And Skim thru these,  just a few of the many movies filmed, or set, all or in part, in New Jersey include:

  • 13 Going on 30, with Jennifer Garner, 2004
  • Analyze This, with Billy Chrystal and Robert DiNiro, 1999
  • The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai, 1984
  • Atlantic City, with Susan Sarandon, 1980
  • A Beautiful Mind, with Russell Crowe, at Princeton, 2001
  • Being John Malcovich, 1999
  • Chasing Amy, 1997
  • Cinderella Man, 2005
  • The Day the Earth Stood Still, 2008
  • Desperately Seeking Susan, 1985
  • Friday the 13th, 1980, a documentary about teenagers .
  • Garden State, 2004
  • The Godfather, Part III, 1990, 
  • Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, 2004
  • Hellboy, 2004
  • The Hurricane, 1999
  • I.Q., 1994, set in Princeton University
  • Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, 2001
  • Julie and Julia, 2009 (parts in Hoboken)
  • Live Free or Die Hard, 2007 (Bruce Will’s daughter goes to school at Rutgers University)
  • Little Black Book, 2004
  • Mallrats, 1995 (NJ has the highest number of shopping malls)
  • Men in Black, 1997
  • On the Waterfront, 1955
  • Paul Blart, Mall Cop, 2009
  • The Pick up Artist, 1987, set in Atlantic City
  • Ransom, 1996, with Mel Gibson, shot in Bergen County (the film, not Mel)
  • Spider-Man 3, 2007
  • War of the Worlds, 2005
  • The Wedding Singer, with Adam Sandler, 1998
  • Wise Guys, 1986, with Joe Piscopo and Danny Devito, both Jersey Boys:
  • The Wrestler, 2008

Overkill?  Yes, of course. It’s a Jersey Thing.

 

Below, a very orange Snooki wants to be a Vampire ↓ 

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