You were warned. You were threatened. You survived the Rapture and a Governmental Grease Job. You lost 4 pounds. You gained 5 pounds back.  You’ll never quite be able to stuff yourself into your special dress on Awards Night. The public humiliation alone should be enough to send a reasonable human being into prolonged hiding. But no. Not You.

You still showed up here.

Let’s face it. You want an award.

Below are the nominees. Vote once. No more.

May I recommend you actually check out the nominees work before voting? Just a thought.

All links to these pieces for your examination are listed at the end of this post.

So, there you have it. Check out the nominees, vote, be a real American. And cheat.  Winner will be announced…soon enough.

Selected pieces and excerpts:

from jgavinallen, The story of Dung and Hot Stuff:

  With one last burst of energy I intended to fly through the jungle. As my momentum carried me through a thorny vine, I ignored the scrape and torn strip of skin from my stomach. I was naked. Naked and at the mercy of this soon to be dead monster. A snort signaled the location of the tiger. He had moved to my side. The gods must be controlling his attempt for an easy meal. I knew that tigers would be the carriers of spirits. It is impossible to kill a tiger unless they wished it. A Green Hat once killed a marauding beast that preyed on a neighboring village. But he was one of the Warrior Monks from the West. They were linked to the gods.

read more at: http://jgavinallan.wordpress.com/2011/05/12/206/

 

Excerpt from Amy’s Zombie Tale, “you’ve been served” at Fix it or Die:

The dining room was full to capacity and more were lined up outside.  Carlo couldn’t remember the last time the restaurant had so many patrons, but his memory wasn’t what it used to be.  Low murmurs and the smacking, scraping sounds of customers enjoying their meals could be heard even through the heavy swinging door of the kitchen.  Carlo smoothed a hand over his bushy mustache and hoisted the tray over his shoulder.  He then pushed open the door with his free hand and entered the bustling dining room.  At once, hands reached out to him, jockeying for his attention and pleading for refills.  Carlo silently maneuvered around them, raising the tray out of reach.  

The “Manager’s Special” had been a feature on the menu ever since the restaurant opened over ten years ago, but only a handful of people had ever ordered it. 

read more at: http://fixitordeal.wordpress.com/2011/05/02/

 

Opening excerpt from Good Greatsby’s post, ‘Where were You when Osama bin Laden Died of Boredom while watching Vin Deisel’s Fast Five at a celebration Party for William and Kates Royal Wedding? : 

In recent days we’ve experienced three historical events most people will remember their whole lives:

1. The killing of Osama Bin Laden
2. The royal wedding of William and Kate
3. The debut of the fifth Fast and The Furious film as the top movie over the weekend with $83.6 million–maybe not historically significant today, but historians will later mark the movie’s debut as the beginning of America’s transition to dictatorship as leaders realize citizens can’t be trusted with democracy when they make such terrible, terrible choices.

These are called “Where were you when…?” moments.  We all tell stories about where we were and what we were doing when we heard big news, and the sights and sounds of our settings become indelibly connected with the event.

Read the rest at: http://thegoodgreatsby.com/2011/05/02/where-were-you-when-osama-bin-laden-died-of-boredom-while-watching-vin-diesels-fast-five-at-a-celebration-party-for-william-and-kates-royal-wedding/

 

From accidentalstepmom‘s post, ‘The Most Unreliable of all the Fairies:

Saturday #5 lost a tooth and didn’t tell us. I only found out about it when he woke up sad on Sunday morning. Luckily we have a whole back story to cover the Tooth Fairy’s ass. Or throw her under the bus, depending on how you look at it.

#5: The Tooth Fairy didn’t come again.

CC: Son, the Tooth Fairy is the most unreliable of all the Fairies.

Me: Yes, she graduated at the bottom of her class in Fairy School.

CC: She totally would have flunked out if Santa didn’t help her cheat on the final.

Me: Because she never studied for her Fairy tests.

CC: She couldn’t; she was drunk.

Me: That may be why she didn’t come last night. She may have been too drunk.

CC: He. The Tooth Fairy is actually a man, did you know that?

Me: Yeah, he wears a cheap, ripped up tutu and you can see his leg hair through his tights because he doesn’t shave his legs.

CC: And his wand is bent.

#5: How do you know?

Me: Some nights he wanders in here when none of you guys have even lost a tooth, smelling like cheap whiskey and cigarettes and asks if I can break a twenty.

CC: Then he goes home to his tooth room and rolls around on top of his pile of teeth until he passes out. I’m sure that’s what happened.

Me: Why don’t you go put it back under your pillow and try again tonight?

Read the whole piece at: http://accidentalstepmom.com/2011/05/03/the-most-unreliable-of-all-the-fairies/

 

And an excerpt from Pissykittyslitterbox, “If The Dead Could Speak, What would they Say?’  

My mother in her youth was incredibly beautiful. She had an ear for music at an early age, picked up several instruments easily, and had a wonderful voice. This, coupled with the fact that she was so personable, had a flair for the dramatic, and feared nothing and no one, left little doubt that she was destined for great things, and nothing would be impossible to attain…but it was. The one thing she hadn’t counted on, the one thing she wasn’t strong enough to fight, was the love she found she had for my father after they met and he started persistently courting her. Within five weeks they were married, and he ushered her away back to Iowa where his family was, and away from the dreams she had of a possible singing career. There in that cramped small town he took her to where I would be raised, away from the mystique of Seattle where she had been trying to make a go of it, worlds away from the sunny state of Florida where she’d grown up, she tried to adapt to her new life with my father surrounded by his family, and began to have a family of her own…….. talented, but was forced to ignore it to do that which was expected of her.

read the whole post here at: http://pissykittyslitterbox.com/2011/05/18/if-the-dead-could-speak-what-would-they-say/

 

And from Wandering The World, a Travel and Photography Blog, this Gallery of photos entitled, Chasing the Sun, posted at: http://wanderinground.wordpress.com/2011/05/24/chasing-the-sun/

 

And finally, from the Master at the master of his domain, a cartoon entitled “Ennui” :

Read more of The Master’s comic series at: http://themasterofhisdomain.wordpress.com/2009/11/03/01-ennui/

Note: I wanted to nominate Madante’s piece on her mother, the Duchess, having a bad medical emergency, but Madante, I cannot access your archives the way your blog is set up. So for that, you’re totally screwed on this Months Fat Jerry Award. 

Tune in early next month for voting and evaluation results! (I hope I win, and I wasn’t even nominated. Even so, I feel I still have a pretty good shot at taking the whole prize)