This is your Brain…on Menopause

This is menopause.

 

This is your Brain:

 

This is your brain on menopause.

Any Questions?

A brain is a terrible thing to waste.

Smiley

 

These are your keys. Your lost keys.

 

This is not your junk drawer:

This is.

This is your boss when you get to work late. Again.

 This is you explaining yourself to your boss.

 

This is your new hair cut.

This is how your new haircut actually looks on you in the morning:

 

This is your new exercise outfit.

 

This is what your new exercise outfit actually looks like on you.

 

These are your kids.

 

These are your kids when you and your ‘mood’ enter the room.

 

This is the man you married.

 

This is the Man you Married coping with menopause.

 

This is how you gardened before.

 

 

This is your idea of gardening now.

 

This was your housekeeping before menopause.

This is what you accept as housekeeping today.

 

This is you sleeping. Before.

 

This you sleeping. Now.

 

This is how much coffee you used to be able to drink.

This is how much coffee you can drink now.

These were your happy, yappy little dogs. 

 

These are your quieter yappy dogs today.

 

This was your typical glass of wine before.

This is your preferred glass size now.

 

It’s time to do the ‘Itchy Cat’ Dance, Ladies!

C’mon!

 

Ahh… menopause, that horrendous misappropriation of natures cruelest curse to women yet. I am certain nature is deviously working on something worse, right now, to upstage menopause.

Oh, right. Wait. That’s already been invented. It’s called life-pause. Or, more affectionately, death.

You suck, Menopause. In short, I am becoming more vacuous by the day. A genuine airhead. 

However, I find there are certain niceties to growing dumber. Like, I shrug more often when I don’t know the answer. And shrugging is a good exercise. It builds up the dorsal fins, or something. I dunno. [[shrug]]

But. That’s Okay. I think I’ll enjoy my new and improved dorsal fins. Maybe I’ll look fetching!

   

 

*all photos via Bing Images

About these ads
Categories: 4 LAFFS, View Finder | Tags: , , , , , , , | 41 Comments

Post navigation

41 thoughts on “This is your Brain…on Menopause

  1. I’ve got a lot of time to look forward to this. On second thought, here’s to hoping somebody finds a brilliant hot flash cure ASAP!

    • I’m with you. But it’s too late for me! Imagine your worst day of PMS. Then multiply by, like…a thousand. And it’s every day. For maybe years…

      Oh, enjoy your sanity now, Tori, while it’s still yours.Smiley

  2. I used to play dumb. I was diagnosed perimenapausal at age 32 (and told I’d probably been for at least 3 years). My ruder symptoms are better controlled via plant estrogens but I like believing I’m becoming dumber for a reason!

    • Technically, menopause only lasts for one day. ONE DAY! It’s everything before that that drives you crazy (peri-menopause) and after (post-menopause). Hmph. So easy to say!
      Emoticon

  3. One of the bits I really, really hate is falling victim to CRAFT syndrome. (Can’t Remember A F’ing Thing) Though the hot flushes and the temper are good too.

    If Menopause the Musical comes your way go see it. I laughed, I cried, I recognised myself (and my friends).

    • I like this CRAFT uh….what do they call it when…um…they use the first letter of a word, then string all those letters together, into one big word…? Uh…let’s see now…I used to know this…
      Emoticon

      • Drat. Damn. I read your response and then had to go away and think about it for half the day. Acronym. I think. CRAFT is an acronym. Aaaargh. Brain dead without a zombie in sight. Unless I have been turned while I wasn’t looking. It would explain the shambling walk, and the less than lightening reflexes and …. But I am a vegetarian. You can’t be a vegetarian zombie. Therefore all these dreadful things are …..drumroll please menopause!

        • Hmm….but then, Zombies are dumb, right? So, how would they even know if it was a brain or a head of cabbage? Howza bout a little Barnie for lunch? Emoticon

          SPANK that Big Stuff, Bad Purple Boy!

  4. I really had no problem with the menopause thing. Other people did–I was a tad moody–but I got through it fine…

    • You are very lucky!

      My experience has been off-the-charts. But I have always been more sensitive than most, like a canary in a coal mine, so to speak. I am happy for you that you’ve escaped the worst of it. No woman deserves to suffer this way…ugh. (tiny violin here, please…)
      Smiley

  5. It’s all so true, except the part about menopause which I know nothing about.

    • Your position on this issue – It’s best. See no evil, hear no evil, smell no evil. Something like that. Time for a baby dance: Emoticon

  6. My wife has gone through menopause. She survived. I survived. We take it day by day.

  7. My favorite part are the “cures” everyone shares. No sugar. No caffeine More soybeans. Dress in layers. Stop using your hairdryer because it’ll make water boil out of pores. Then you get to take another flippin’ shower…with coldish water or else you’ll sauna-up again. And what the heck, your face is already red and you’ve got a spike pounding through your head for a headache. Might as well call in sick and sit around drinking chamomile tea. Welcome to womanhood.

    • uh… womanhood? Is this womanhod? Jeesh.
      More like Death Games 2011. Emoticon

      Toss off that big hot coat, Momma! Hot Flashes be dammed!

  8. I often feel like Beavis, I tend to just stamp around the house all pissed off…it really helps!
    And how did you sneak into my room and snap that picture of me trying to sleep last night?!

    • I’m just stealth that way. I read a brochure on stalking once…

      Really? Like Beavis? How ’bout these guys, to cheer you up? Emoticon Emoticon Emoticon

  9. The list just kept getting better and better – I laughed harder and harder. Then, I cried. Ah menopause. Frickin frackin menopause.

    • Frickin’ Frackin menopause – That’s right! Let’s scare it! Lets yell at it really loud and call it names and it will go away when it realizes it is unwanted around here. That’s my new plan. Thanks!
      Emoticon

  10. Oh my gawd, it looks like someone’s discovered dancing clip art. Are you mad, woman? I’ve loved the dancing baby forever, and now I’ve stolen it from your blog. When you think about it, a lot of women never really know what it’s like to not be driven crazy by hormones….puberty, pregnancy, post pregnancy, menopause…I mean really, was there like a year or so in there when I was semi-normal? Doubt it.

  11. Awww…. so sorry you’re struggling with all this… I’m not there yet, but I’ve also never been one to suffer hormonal side effects so hopefully I’ll escape the worst of it. If it’s any consolation to you (and I’m pretty sure it’s not) your post did make me laugh. :-)

    • Thanks, Girly. That’s about all we can do. I thought I would escape it too, if only because I had no interest in such things as moods, or hotflashes or insomnia. But then one day, the crap hit the fan.Thanks for laughing along!Smiley

  12. ……so this is what my problem is? SO RELIEVED! or not. How long? Will I ever get my memory back?….and my NICEness?

  13. So sorry you’ve been hit too!
    What I’ve heard is, it’s supposed to all level out in a few years, after-the-fact.

    I’m still waiting…Smiley

  14. Wait a minute. I’m getting hot flashes and no sleep, and you get amazing, enticing dorsal fins? No fair! This is too, too funny. Also, unfortunately, too true. Wa-a-a-a!

    Your dancing babies, etc are great!

  15. Is it possible to start menopause at 30? I’m having hot flashes already.

    I’m going to start dancing like that cat from now on.

    • Get it on, with the Itchy Cat Dance, girl! You may only be a victim, to extremely early peri-menopuase. Have that checked out. Let’s hope there is another reason for your HEAT! Like, passion? Unresolved passion? If it is only heat, I think you will resolve this, and fare well, very soon!

  16. Some of this sounds very familiar…
    which seems a bit odd…
    considering that whole y chromosome and all…
    hmm… :)

    • Spilled Ink Guy, I so commend you for stopping by and commenting! How brave of you! Men have to live with this condition, too, someday. I mean, as witnesses and possible victims… Then there’s man-o-pause, or andropause. Why? WHY, oh why!

  17. Ah, those X chromosomes are a bitch. I thank my lucky stars that I only have one of the bastards…

    On a related note, I’ve just decided to become a bachelor. Sadly, it’s not much of an adjustment.

  18. Hey!!! Where are you? Have the hormones attacked you and made you into a zombie?

  19. I did disapear there for a few days. Have you ever tried that 5 Hour Energy drink, the little bottle they sell on counters by the register? I bought one for an energy boost to do yardwork, and stayed awake for a day and a half! So, yeh, kinda got turned into a zombie.

    Thanks for noticing my absence!

  20. FANTASTIC, SIDE-SPLITTING POST!
    That cat rocks!

Got Something To Say?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com. The Adventure Journal Theme.

%d bloggers like this: