At first, all I caught a glimpse of was this:
It streaked across my living room carpet late one night while I was doing computer work. Then disappeared under the entertainment center.
I readied my camera.
Not a minute later, it pops out of the hollow spine of my circa 1982 Betty Crocker Cook Book.
…not at all bothered by the flash! I admire it’s sleek, shiny coat. And wonder what it’s been eating of mine that’s contributing to that silky finish. And is it in the cook book looking up gourmet recipes to make from those kitchen snatchings while I’m asleep?
Always the scientist, myself, I smoothly drop an Acme Market circular on the floor, chock-full of ingredients ideas, just to see if it reads it.
He does not.
Rather a bit of a loafer, he is. Almost laying down on the job here. Not 20 inches from my left foot. And I am snapping away with a blue-white flash going off. Does this discourage him?????
It does not! He whirls around, and faces me. As if to say, excu-u-u-u-se me! (in the Steve Martin vernacular, circa 1977)
I notice he’s got a big fat butt. What the hell is this guy eating, anyway?
I feel threatened – he seems postured to charge!
Then I observe the food source; bird seed on the carpet that my pet dove has carelessly strewn about, no matter how many times I have warned her against it.
And still the mouse scurries about my midnight carpet, jestfully bouncing from crap pile to junk mail, all the while, defying my ultimate authority over my domain.
He’s such a cute little bastard, though. I decide to give him a name…but can’t think of one. Not yet. Any suggestions?
Some idea of his personality traits may help.
- He is defiant. Shows no respect for the whole ‘food chain’ thing.
- Rotunduous. He could use some time on a treadmill.
- Poor Vision. Does not notice I am of predatorial proportions. And appears to have cataracts in a few of the photos.
- Illiterate. Damn public school education.
- Well groomed. May be considered a stud among his peers.
- Swift. Do not think I can catch ‘im.
- Gourmet cooking interests.
- Sleeps in a closet.
- Belly-crawls across my carpet -may be an ex-marine.
- Nocturnal. Sleeps in every day. No job. Mysterious whereabouts the rest of the day/night. May occupy multiple residences.
- Steals shit.
I went to Wal-Mart in search of a no-kill trap. But they were out.
And, well, since it looked like this outside:
I couldn’t very well have thrown him outside to his death anyway. I’m mostly Vegan. (except when I eat meat and fish and stuff like that) so I am a principled individual.
I surrendered to the idea that this little bastard will probably be living with me until the weather breaks and nights are moderate enough to send his chubby little arse packing down to the woods along the nearest creek.
So, until then, I decided to enjoy a cup of hot chocolate. And perhaps ponder names. Haven’t come up with one yet, though.
Although just plain old “Mouse” seems sensible enough…is that a turd I see under his tail?