Name That Mouse’s Ass!

At first, all I caught a glimpse of was this:

It streaked across my living room carpet late one night while I was doing computer work. Then disappeared under the entertainment center.

I readied my camera.

Not a minute later, it pops out of the hollow spine of my circa 1982 Betty Crocker Cook Book.

not at all bothered by the flash! I admire it’s sleek, shiny coat. And wonder what it’s been eating of mine that’s contributing to that silky finish. And is it in the cook book looking up gourmet recipes to make from those kitchen snatchings  while I’m asleep?

Always the scientist, myself, I smoothly drop an Acme Market circular on the floor, chock-full of ingredients ideas, just to see if it reads it.

He does not.

Rather a bit of a loafer, he is. Almost laying down on the job here. Not 20 inches from my left foot. And I am snapping away with a blue-white flash going off.  Does this discourage him?????

It does not! He whirls around, and faces me. As if to say, excu-u-u-u-se me! (in the Steve Martin vernacular, circa 1977)

I notice he’s got a big fat butt. What the hell is this guy eating, anyway?

I feel threatened – he seems postured to charge!

Then I observe the food source; bird seed on the carpet that my pet dove has carelessly strewn about, no matter how many times I have warned her against it.

And still the mouse scurries about my midnight carpet, jestfully bouncing from crap pile to junk mail, all the while, defying my ultimate authority over my domain.

He’s such a cute little bastard, though. I decide to give him a name…but can’t think of one. Not yet. Any suggestions?

Some idea of his personality traits may help. 

  • He is defiant. Shows no respect for the whole ‘food chain’ thing.
  • Rotunduous. He could use some time on a treadmill.
  • Poor Vision. Does not notice I am of predatorial proportions. And appears to have cataracts in a few of the photos.
  • Illiterate. Damn public school education.
  • Well groomed. May be considered a stud among his peers.
  • Swift. Do not think I can catch ‘im. 
  • Gourmet cooking interests.
  • Sleeps in a closet.
  • Belly-crawls across my carpet -may be an ex-marine.
  • Nocturnal. Sleeps in every day. No job. Mysterious whereabouts the rest of the day/night. May occupy multiple residences.
  • Steals shit.


I went to Wal-Mart in search of a no-kill trap. But they were out.

And, well, since it looked like this outside: 

I couldn’t very well have thrown him outside to his death anyway. I’m mostly Vegan. (except when I eat meat and fish and stuff like that) so I am a principled individual.

I surrendered to the idea that this little bastard will probably be living with me until the weather breaks and nights are moderate enough to send his chubby little arse packing down to the woods along the nearest creek.

So, until then, I decided to enjoy a cup of hot chocolate. And perhaps ponder names. Haven’t come up with one yet, though.

Although just plain old “Mouse” seems sensible enough…is that a turd I see under his tail?

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Categories: Catch-A-Mouse, View Finder | Tags: , , , , | 17 Comments

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17 thoughts on “Name That Mouse’s Ass!

  1. I don’t know about where you live, but that little guy is far too cute to be a run of the mill house-mouse. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that breed in a pet shop or ten. Cute or not though, seeing a strange mouse in my house would’ve scared the crap out of me! I don’t have a clue as to what name to suggest for him, but I’m pretty sure you’re right about the specks under his tail! :-D

  2. Or it could be more bird seed…

    I was just looking again at the last picture, and how fat “he” is…then had to wonder, OH NO! What if he’s pregnant!!!

  3. OH, crap!!! Just look at that little guys belly! He’s got to have like, 29 babies in there just about to come out!!!

    It can’t be the bird seed; my dove is petite and slender.

  4. It’s a deer mouse, I believe. Maybe you could call it Bambi. Or Bambino.

    • I like both offerings, Binky…but since I now suspect his ‘fat’ is pregnany-related (and therfore, outside the range of general “fat jokes” being slung at him)…he will probably be having plenty of little “Bambinos” him/herself. Deer mouse, you say? It is awfully cute. If it turns out it is merely overfed, I will consider “Bambi” as a fine name. Thank You, Binky. And if I am wrong, may I be so bold as to name Bambi’s firstborn “Binky”? I think Binky is a fine name for this Scurrying Wonder!

  5. What about “Desperaux” for your cute little fella?

    • What does it mean? Sounds French…does my little guy look french???

      • There’s a movie called Desperaux with a small little mouse in it!

        Well then I will go check out some of that movie online! Thanks for that suggestion – Spectra

  6. Hannibal Zouk

    Mickey! I think you should name him Mickey. Or Lester. It has to be something homely and classic for such a homely and classic mouse.

    Or even Jerry. ;D

  7. Lester? Who is the famous Lester? A movie I missed? Micky is classic, so I will keep that one on my list. He looks like a Jerry, I must say! Also, Stuart Little is my favoirite all time mouse…but the book Stuart, not the chubby white movie one. This is a tough call…He really acts like a Jerry. Thanks for the ideas!

    • Hannibal Zouk

      Lester was a bird that flew into my basement via a carelessly opened window. He flew around for a while, ran into the other closed window half a dozen times (no doubt causing some kind of brain damage), and got lost somewhere in the rafters… xD Jerry is a good name, especially since he’s got some brown splotches.

      • Ahhhh, yes….the infamous Lester! He sounds like a great bird. I’ve rescued a bird or two in my lifetime. It’s a great feeling when you get them right, and they can fly off on their own again. :)

  8. Hannibal Zouk

    Sadly enough, I believe Lester perished in the rafters of my old house, because I’m quite positive he never made it out, but I never saw him again.

    I don’t know. xD

  9. April 12, 2011, FOLLOW UP:

    Caught 3 little mice, or Despereaux 3 times! Out into the garden they went, as it was the middle of the night. Still no Jerry. Caught the 3rd this morning…let’s say “Binky” was set out to pasture.

    Think I’ll be catching mice for awhile. They say there are always far more than you think.

    So now I suppose I am the Great White Mouse Hunter! ;)

  10. Oh my God, girl. I cannot stop laughing!!!!

  11. digipicsphotography

    And to think we BUY mice for our pet snake. And you get FREE ones! :-D But then again I have 6 cats and one dog….none of which will catch a mouse…but evidently are a deterrent for 4 footed raiding rodents.

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